What are you wearing? Not in a pervy way – I’m just looking for inspiration. I’m am so over myself in anything I have in my wardrobe that there’s simply nowhere left to turn. Forget Haiti. Forget Chile. Forget Georgia (hello, Happens fans. Petrol). This is nothing short of a full-blown sartorial crisis. But is anyone holding a benefit gig for me? No. And where are the news crews? All this panic and confusion is going on under their noses, unreported. It’s an absolute disgrace.

I’m not a great dress person – the day usually ends with me having to cycle somewhere in the rain or drag the dog out of some bushes. I have to wear things with legs. I’m very spilly – this rules white right out. Most things I own are black. You’re right: I have no imagination and am very lazy.  Matching black with black is a no-brainer. It also means I get more matches out of fewer things: in these credit crunch days (if you won’t stop saying credit crunch, I don’t see why I should) making one thing go with several others is prudent.

I love it when magazines do articles about capsule wardrobes and getting a million variations out of just a white t-shirt, capri pants and a hat. (Two pages later, you’ll read the same contributor saying how they never wear a white shirt more than once before buying another: it’s just so much more crisp when it’s brand new!) It sounds so calm. So pulled together.  So practical. So unattainable.

But I’ve recently realised that I already have a capsule wardrobe. True, it’s hidden in the vastness of piles of sloganned tees, a raw silk ballgown and a green dress that causes everyone to ask if it’s Paddy’s Day and whether I’d mind mending shoes for them with my tiny hammer – but it’s there. I only ever wear the same 10 things. Perhaps there’s a bit of differentiation when the seasons change, but mostly not, because I live in Britain.

I don’t know why I’m panicking today; I know what I’m going to wear. It’ll be jeans, boots and jacket. More or less. Maybe it’s because I wish I had more of a dilemma. Does Victoria Beckham choose her outfits based on the pieces’ proximity to the bed? I don’t think so. This is an absolute disaster. Won’t somebody – somewhere – think about me?

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 4th, 2010 at 8:53 am and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.