Yes, that was me on Doctors yesterday. I played Cait, the all-driving, all-knitting sex-line lady. I am finally in a soap. Just one episode, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m in. It’s really exciting because, as I understand it, this opens up a whole new world of celebrity to me from which I’ve been hitherto excluded. Now I get to hang out with people from Dallas and Dynasty and Hollyoaks and people who used to be in films. Now Heat magazine probably won’t leave me alone, once they find out where I live (must let them know).

It’s very tiring being a soap actress. The regular cast of Doctors are flat out – they work every hour God sends and turn around something like 3 eps a week. It’s mental. And yet they manage to be brilliant and good humoured. Quite astonishing. For my own part, the week I was in was hectic. I was put up in a nice hotel, sure, but they they hit me with it: I would have to learn lines and get up really early and everything. Learn lines, get up early and be as good as the regulars at hitting marks and being excellent in very few takes. I was outraged. I decided to learn the lines and not show up drunk but not be anywhere near as excellent as the regular cast. I was having to practise my knitting back at the hotel every night. I was absolutely spent! I couldn’t possibly sparkle on set too. So my not being as good as the regulars? A choice. A choice I made. I stand by it.

But the shoot itself is, of course, only half the work for a soap star like me. The rest of the time it’s all interviews, fake tanning sessions, being seen doing things in places…that sort of thing. You can imagine. I have to have all my groceries delivered now. I only live around the corner from Sainsbury’s and my husband says it’s wasterful, but I just can’t risk getting recognised. What a disaster that would be: getting mobbed and followed home by normal people? No, thank you. I think it’s testament to my diligence and care over this sort of thing that it has never happened. Not once. I’m very, very good.

Of course, now that the show has aired, I’ll probably get a lot of designers and jewellers calling me up and wanting to give me stuff and only people off the waiting list for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here will want to be my friend. I will graciously accept. Being associated with me, the woman who (once) played the knitting, driving sex-line lady will give them such a boost – and it’s nothing to me to wear some diamonds to some do. I’ll hardly feel them.

I refer to the character – Cait O’Connell – as the knitting, driving, sex-line lady, because those were the things I knew from the audition onwards that I’d have to do on camera. I was nervous about all of them, in that order. The whippy, lotiony, chatty stuff was much easier than knitting one, purling one, dropping three and feeling like I was using octopus needles once they called “Action!” Driving on camera has always given me the heebie jeebies: it’s like doing your test, but with thousands of people seeing what a crap driver you are. Thank God, someone’s probably going to offer to drive me everywhere from now on. And as God is my witness, I’ll never knit again.

All in all, it’s been a lovely experience doing one episode of Doctors and being thrust into this new world of celebrity and pzazz. I can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve always known I had it in me. Imagine if I won some kind of award? Imagine if I got a second episode?

You can see the episode – Roleplay - here for the next week.

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