It was very, very nice to wake up today without a migraine. Man, they’re ow. I hadn’t had one in about 9 years, then had a massive attack early last week, swiftly followed by tributaries or hangovers or bastards (as they should be known) for the next 10 days. They totally skew your perspective and – unless you know what’s happening – you think you’re about to die. An alien has somehow implanted one side of your head with a glowing metal egg, which swells and throbs as it grows to full size, shrinking your head around it, then hatching a pointy-fingered fecker to sit behind your eye, poking it whenever he gets a chance.Through your agony, you can’t be sure that’s not cackling you can hear.
As well as the inability to move your head and neck for fear of torture, there’s the nausea, the lack of co-ordination and the sheer, white misery of living with an alien in your brain. Luckily, until this 10-day treat, I’ve been alien-free for those 9 years I mentioned. If you have them more often or are having one now, I feel very, very sorry for you. Get alien-free soon.
There are as many rules for migraines as there are for Gremlins: no stress, no chocolate, no bright light – and under no circumstances get your alien’s fur wet. (The last one’s a lie, but it might as well be there.) Well, I can’t live without Bendick’s chocolate Bittermints. No bright light? Hah. And where in the world can you go to escape stress? Nowhere. Even those deserted tropical islands are tsunami risks or sinking into the sea. I, for one, am very stressed about that.
So, I guess that every now and again I’ll have a white hot expanding egg in my head. Oh well. It makes the egg-free days so much the better. It’s September the 11th, and at least I have an egg.
