I HATE having my photos done. Hate it. But that’s exactly what I’m having done today. Luckily, the shots are being done by the very lovely and amazingly talented Andy Hollingworth so it’s unlikely to go horribly wrong, but I still have the niggling apprehension that – despite his thousands and thousands of beautiful images – I’ll be the subject to break him.
In a genius move (and possibly due to a similar apprehension on his part) Andy has sourced the best prop ever. Ever! It’s big. It’s exciting. It’s the ideal thing to draw attention away from my flawful skin and unfeasibly large jaw. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but I will be posting the results when they’re ready. Psyched.
There aren’t a lot of photos of me from childhood and I think I’ve managed to destroy all five or so that exist from my teens. I shudder at the memory. Nothing sets off an unfeasibly large jaw like an unfeasibly miserable face. Every single snapshot was then judged on how fat and/ or spotty I was, and I was usually both. Or I’d scrutinize the image for any hint of the awful railway-track braces that earned me the school nickname of Jaws. Options: not to smile, or smile and risk looking like a really scary Bond villain. But worst of all was the facial misery in anticipation of the fact.
I so envied the kids whose families snapped away non-stop; Christmas, birthdays, a misty day. They never stopped to feel self-conscious, and the impromptu nature of the shots led to such relaxed, natural smiling that you’d swear they were actually enjoying being young.
The residue never leaves you, and although the results of my years of dental work aren’t at all bad, I still think I’m 14, and I don’t know where to look when there’s a camera about. I get nervous and sweaty and waste a lot of time (and – in the old days – film) while I get comfortable.
I have every faith in Andy. He’s a gifted professional; I just hope one of his gifts is patience. Thank god we have an unfeasibly large prop.
I run the NYC Marathon for Alzheimer’s Society in 6 days’ time. Please sponsor me here. Thank you.
