If you’d hooked Kevin up to a lie-detector, you’d have quickly ascertained that he didn’t like looms and he wasn’t impressed by hens. He wasn’t really training to be a yoga-teacher for deaf-kids; he worked in Buckingham Palace – a Chinese restaurant that had been successfully sued by the Queen. Kevin was the guy who read the newspaper in the window until an order came in. He delivered the order on a scooter. This was especially insulting, because he loved his car. He was not allowed to use it for work. He would have been, if he’d agreed to have the Buckingham Palace logo (HRH QE2, smiling and holding a pair of chopsticks…this had been the subject of the lawsuit) painted on the doors; he would never agree. He didn’t feel safe on the scooter, so he always got lost, and the Egg Foo Yung was always cold. Kevin didn’t like his job.
But there was nothing Kevin didn’t know about an enzyme. That much was true. Raw food was meant to be cold; he wished he was delivering it. Researching it became a passion, and it was on such a research mission, one night at home (he’d entered Raw Passion – why cold is the new hot), that he’d stumbled upon organichumans.com.
He’d online dated before. It hadn’t worked out well. He always lied about his job, and they’d inevitably find out – usually when he chugged unwittingly to their homes with their order of Vegetables in Black Bean Sauce and Steamed Rice swinging from the handlebar – and once he’d been found to have lied about that, they found is safest to assume he was a serial killer.
But he’d always lied too big before. A round-the-world sailor needs to produce a yacht at some stage; surgeons don’t faint when they cut their own fingers making aubergine shavings. With Jacinta, he’d kept it small. He’d kept the work part vague, and focussed on the enzyme thing. She’d been very impressed, and when she told him early on that she was allergic to MSG, Kevin actually thought he might be falling in love. He wasn’t, but for the moment at least, the scooter was more bearable.
To be continued. Maybe.
Running the NYC marathon for the Alzheimer’s Society on Nov1. Please sponsor me here.
