Aha! Found her! After much sleuthing, I’ve discovered why most of the Spanish-speaking world came looking for me yesterday. Of course, it wasn’t me they were after: it was the new Tara Flynn. Yes! Another one! This one is very young and lovely and features on the April 2010 cover of French Elle – Spécial Rondes (Curves Special). She’s a very beautiful plus-size model with amazing eyebrows.
Having spent most of yesterday wondering why the good people of Spain, Guatemala, Honduras, Colombia, Paraguay, Argentina, Uruguay, Chile, Panama and both Rico/as (Puerto and Costa) would have any interest in me, I – like so many of them – went to Google.es to start my search. Like them, I had to trawl past many other Tara Flynns on my quest: first me, then the holistic animal lady, then the novel of the same name, then the 80s porn star, then various American teens. The teens are a bit exhausting because they love to get in touch to let me know that, were we to be in the same class during roll-call, we’d both answer at the same time. But we will never be in the same class during roll-call, unless I can get my hands on a time machine. This is most unlikely.
Although she doesn’t feature much on Google yet, I’m sure new, beautiful Tara Flynn has done other things than be on April’s French Elle. I know this because I eventually found her on whosdatedwho.com (have a look, she’s very nice) so she must have dated, or be about to date, someone of note. Maybe she’d agree to date me, just once, and together we could explode the internet? Surely there are only so many Tara Flynn searches an engine can tolerate?
But there isn’t much else about her to be found. I only tracked her down because one of the keywords that brought the only search from El Salvador to my site was desnuda – naked. So, when I say that the Spanish speaking world went nuts for her, I do mean Nuts, like the magazine. They are loco loco for her Bom Boms; Bom Boms which Ricky Martin himself has admitted he never wanted shaken in the first place. I don’t think he was exactly spearheading the search for this Bom Bom-rich girl.
After all that, what a crashing disappointment my site must be when they get here. I’m not even partially desnuda and apart from last night’s mini-blog, there’s practically nothing in Spanish. It doesn’t matter how hard I work on my wry observations, blogs are simply not as fun if you have to keep checking the Larousse Gran Diccionario Español-Inglés, or similar. Especially since I make up half the words I write. Impenetrable: that’s my thing. (Impenetrable, Spanish readers.) If it’s penetrable you’re after, you’ll probably prefer the work of 80s porn star Tara Flynn.
I’m assuming that the American teens have written to all the other Tara Flynns by this time, including the porn star and the book. Well, now there’s a new one, and according to the search for Tara Flynn modelo francesa, they’re going to have to learn how to say LOL in French. But is she French? The eyebrows say Brazil to me, somehow, but she could be from the US, of Spanish descent. Or an exotic mix of Co. Clare, Co. Cork and Armada sailor fallout like me and the rest of the Irish western seaboard. Until more about her pops up on Google, we may never find out these vitally important details.
I’m sure we’ll be hearing about her soon. Meanwhile, I feel I’m letting a large proportion of the world down. Note to self: must try harder.
Bienvenidos, gente que habla español. Lo siento mucho.
