People often ask me why I have so many “not the porn star” disclaimers. Well, here’s why. It seems that – when I was in a gymslip at the Convent of Mercy, Kinsale – there was a lady in the US who chose the name Tara Flynn as her nom de porn. She probably wore her fair share of gymslips herself, and I’m sure there were nuns involved in at least some of her shenanigans, but we are not the same person. I cannot state this more clearly.
According to IMDB Tara Flynn I hasn’t made a film in nearly 30 years, and the biggest thing she did (pardon the expression) seems to have been a Dallas spoof called Hot Dallas Nights. Here’s a synopsis:
Rock Brewing and his wife, Miss Millie, oversee their empire of fertilizer factories from their hilltop estate where anything goes; and when the torrid noontime sun turns into another Hot Dallas Night … everything goes! (Written by VCX – IMDB)
I’m pretty sure I blogged about this years ago on Myspace, so I don’t want to bang on too long here, but I do love that (a) the glamorous world of fertilizer and (b) reviews say that Tara Flynn is “very enthusiastic when called upon”. You have to be really quite rubbish in porn, I believe, to have even the possibility of not being called upon. Poor Tara Flynn I.
Following the rules of the bar-game for choosing your nom de porn, maybe her childhood home was on Flynn Street and her first hamster was called Tara – we may never know. (Porn stars like hamsters, right?) I don’t mind her choosing my real name as her porn nom. She’s welcome to it; there’s plenty of Flynn to go round. It’s only ever really affected me directly in a couple of ways: an Aussie interviewer once asked me to explain my “fruity” filmography, for instance. Also, very few people outside of Ireland or Britain believe that mine isn’t a stage-name. It isn’t. My parents chose a Celtic name to go with my father’s surname, boring as that. If you know Ireland, you know Tara refers to a muddy bit of raised ground in Meath. Hardly exotic. Definitely not sexy. (Mind you, if the heady world of fertilizer floats your boat, then maybe mud’s a step up… ) Plus, I can never, ever achieve an IMDB listing any higher than that of Tara Flynn II: she wins. I will always be the IMDB runner-up, smiling and clapping, but secretly coveting her crown and hoping she falls down some steps or is racist so I can take over.
She doesn’t seem to be as popular as when I first became aware of her, but she has not been forgotten. Every time I think her star has finally vanished, and no-one’s Googling poor Tara Flynn I anymore, I find that someone’s path to this very site has come from looking for her. Every few days someone somewhere in one of the US flyover States (or yesterday, Latvia) enters Tara Flynn porn star into a search engine. Still they search for her. Man, my showreel must be a sorry let-down.
