“Skinny Water”, whispered the VO, “is a low-calorie water enhanced with natural ingredients”. I spat my (regular, boring, unenhanced) water all over the TV screen. I’ve worked a lot in advertising; there are very few products I won’t say things about into a microphone. Better to have the corporate dollar in my pocket than in that of the corporation, I always say: at least I won’t use it to maim puppies.
I won’t go into the (meagre) list of people for whom I wouldn’t do ads. That’s personal. Suffice to say that list is short, but important, and I’ve just added Skinny Water to the top of it.
Oasis (the brand, not the band) has a giant-rubber duck in an absurd commercial about it being the drink “for people who don’t like water”. I’m not a scientist, but I am an organism; disliking water isn’t allowed. It – along with oxygen – is a prerequisite for life. Mind you, they have already tried to sell us oxygen, so this isn’t new.
Cut to, two days from now, me being offered a life-long contract with Skinny Water to be their voice forever, and never struggle financially ever again. That’s how it always seems to go. I would face the option of deleting this blog and pretending that I am one of the raisin people who refuses that unhealthy, unenhanced stuff, or standing my ground. In this case, I have to say I would choose poverty, and use the blog as justification. Coming over all Celtic to say “Ballygowan – the power of purity” is one thing. Hoping to make – and keep – people wet behind the ears is quite another.
Here’s an ad for you: Water. It’ll keep you alive. Drink it.
Sold?
